I don’t know about you, but I’ve always thought that every one of us have 1 of our 5 senses stronger than the others. Personally I think I have a heightened sense of hearing.
Whenever we’re watching TV or doing something else with a decent amount of background noise like being in the kitchen and using a blender, I always seem to be the one who hears my wife’s mobile phone ring when it is 3 rooms away and in her handbag which is under a pile of clothes on the floor and turned down to an ultra low volume. I don’t know how I do it, but I seem to be able to block off every other sound and tune right into the ringing.
Since becoming a father though, my ears are playing tricks on me, they don’t seem to be as superhuman as I once thought. I’ve either lost my hearing and am in dire need of a Cochlear Implant or my son Jayden is in fact… The Phantom Baby.
Why? Here are 3 reasons 🙂
- Often when feeding or playing with Jayden, I notice a sudden tightening of his face, little eyebrows turn into a frown and a sudden look of concentration… you all know the look. So I’m sure he’s brewing a rancid soup-like poop for daddy to see, smell & change. About 20 seconds pass and sure enough… “BRRRRRRRPPPP… PPFFTT… BUP BIP BUP BUP BIP… BRRRRRREEEEET… PPPFFTTT” sounds emanate from his little bottom whilst his arms and fingers go super rigid and are locked in place with a face of concentration. And there it is… thanks son!
So I take him to the change table and get a new nappy ready, along with the cotton pads which I have lightly soaked in water and nappy bin open ready for it to consume another Kinder Surprise. Off comes his body suit and then off comes the nappy… wait a minute… what’s the story here? Where’s the poop? There was nothing there, not the faintest of skid marks in sight… Was all that stuff before just an act? Was it his new pre-fart routine? Was he just messing with my mind? No… I’m convinced it’s PHANTOM POOP!
- When I am doing the dishes or listening to music or when I’m in the shower with the water running or when I’m watching a movie on TV, I hear my son crying… it’s like the mobile phone ringing, only I can hear him cry from a mile away. It always makes me sink a little when I hear him cry. The thing is, I’m losing my mind, I think I can hear him cry, but when I go and check… silence. He’s as quiet as a mouse. I refuse to believe that he didn’t cry, I heard it, I swear! I’m convinced it’s PHANTOM CRIES!
- After a feed, I like to put Jayden up over my shoulder to burp him and I remember to put a muslin cloth over my shoulder first just in case he pukes a little bit (although sometimes a large amount) of milk. I sometimes forget though or there may not be one nearby and Murphy’s Law seems to kick in as it’s these times which Jayden seems to regurgitate a little… “BUUURRRPP” then followed by that sound of liquid spilling out from his mouth (his head is so close to my superhuman ears in this position. There’s no way that I can get this wrong). Sigh. I was wrong… again. It’s happened a few times now, each time I go to check, nothing on my shirt, not a single drop of milk. So now he’s giving me his PHANTOM PUKE!
What do I have on my hands here? A little costumed crimefighter who is clearly playing tricks on his daddy?
Oh dear, my son is The Ghost Who
Walks Poops! (Well he’s only 6 weeks old, maybe Walks should be Poops).