Phantom Baby… The Ghost Who Walks?

 

The Phantom BabyI don’t know about you, but I’ve always thought that every one of us have 1 of our 5 senses stronger than the others. Personally I think I have a heightened sense of hearing.

Whenever we’re watching TV or doing something else with a decent amount of background noise like being in the kitchen and using a blender, I always seem to be the one who hears my wife’s mobile phone ring when it is 3 rooms away and in her handbag which is under a pile of clothes on the floor and turned down to an ultra low volume. I don’t know how I do it, but I seem to be able to block off every other sound and tune right into the ringing.

Since becoming a father though, my ears are playing tricks on me, they don’t seem to be as superhuman as I once thought. I’ve either lost my hearing and am in dire need of a Cochlear Implant or my son Jayden is in fact… The Phantom Baby.

Why? Here are 3 reasons 🙂

  1. Often when feeding or playing with Jayden, I notice a sudden tightening of his face, little eyebrows turn into a frown and a sudden look of concentration… you all know the look. So I’m sure he’s brewing a rancid soup-like poop for daddy to see, smell & change. About 20 seconds pass and sure enough… “BRRRRRRRPPPP… PPFFTT… BUP BIP BUP BUP BIP… BRRRRRREEEEET… PPPFFTTT” sounds emanate from his little bottom whilst his arms and fingers go super rigid and are locked in place with a face of concentration. And there it is… thanks son!
    So I take him to the change table and get a new nappy ready, along with the cotton pads which I have lightly soaked in water and nappy bin open ready for it to consume another Kinder Surprise. Off comes his body suit and then off comes the nappy… wait a minute… what’s the story here? Where’s the poop? There was nothing there, not the faintest of skid marks in sight… Was all that stuff before just an act? Was it his new pre-fart routine? Was he just messing with my mind? No… I’m convinced it’s PHANTOM POOP! 
    Poop Face, Arms and Fingers
  2. When I am doing the dishes or listening to music or when I’m in the shower with the water running or when I’m watching a movie on TV, I hear my son crying… it’s like the mobile phone ringing, only I can hear him cry from a mile away. It always makes me sink a little when I hear him cry. The thing is, I’m losing my mind, I think I can hear him cry, but when I go and check… silence. He’s as quiet as a mouse. I refuse to believe that he didn’t cry, I heard it, I swear! I’m convinced it’s PHANTOM CRIES!
  3. After a feed, I like to put Jayden up over my shoulder to burp him and I remember to put a muslin cloth over my shoulder first just in case he pukes a little bit (although sometimes a large amount) of milk. I sometimes forget though or there may not be one nearby and Murphy’s Law seems to kick in as it’s these times which Jayden seems to regurgitate a little… “BUUURRRPP” then followed by that sound of liquid spilling out from his mouth (his head is so close to my superhuman ears in this position. There’s no way that I can get this wrong). Sigh. I was wrong… again. It’s happened a few times now, each time I go to check, nothing on my shirt, not a single drop of milk. So now he’s giving me his PHANTOM PUKE!

What do I have on my hands here? A little costumed crimefighter who is clearly playing tricks on his daddy?

Oh dear, my son is The Ghost Who Walks Poops! (Well he’s only 6 weeks old, maybe Walks should be Poops).

 

debut dad

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11 thoughts on “Phantom Baby… The Ghost Who Walks?

  1. ah, you’re bringing me back! The puke thing is why we never burped our daughter over our shoulders. I think she up chucked in my hair once I was like, “that’s it, I’m doing the “hold-her-face-and-lean-her-forward-in-my-lap” method!”

    But yeah… your hearing does change… I think I hear mine cry sometimes too… and it’s all in my mind….

    • Hehe… But is it weird that I sort of want to see a bit of puke on my shoulders just so I can stop losing my mind a bit? I mean I swear I heard the puke come out… But nope :p
      Oh and I also love the over the hand on your lap method too. Babies look super cute in this hunched position!

      • yes it is weird!!!! Ha, but I get it. You’re ears are changing to listen for his noises, even the not so pleasant ones. So perhaps there is a bit of brain science behind your auditory “hallucinations”? Maybe “Science of Mom” (another good blog) would know if there’s an actual term for that.

        But I swear I remember the same thing happening to me when Chloe was that little. And I recall never going into a deep sleep because I was always listening to her breathe in the bassinet right next to me. And she was a loud sleeper. Lots of grunting!!

  2. Maybe you are just so ready for what MIGHT happen that you are almost imagining it is happening. I am sure if you wait around just another few minutes there will be a dirty diaper waiting for you 🙂

    • True… I thought maybe I was developing a Sixth Sense! Wouldn’t that be cool to be a clairvoyant? But sadly no… My feeble attempts of waiting for tears, poop or puke failed… It’s like he knows I’m waiting for it and he denies me of any of it.

  3. It’s wonderful to hear you express the things all us parents experience who are present for them! I went through the exact same things! I think it’s because you so tuned in to him, that you feel him from a distance, the same thing that happens with people in love. And after all, isn’t that what it is?

    • I think you’ve hit the nail on the head… it’s exactly because we are so unconditionally in love. I’m glad I can express myself through this blog. Feels great to share experiences 🙂

  4. Such fond memories of those early weeks…I wish I’d had the presence of mind to record them as eloquently as you have here.

    I’d go with the Phantom Baby theory – much better than thinking that you’re losing your mind through sleep deprivation! 🙂

    Welcome to the blogging community of parents!
    Di x

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